Thinking Is Like Spelunking; Just Make Sure You Can Get Out

Ever been spelunking?

It’s not fun.

Before you pull out a Mains family photo album for proof of me in a hard hat and coveralls, you should know, I haven’t technically been. I’m not sure I could do it. I remember shaking out a panic attack when I got stuck behind the couch once as a kid. I did study philosophy for a semester in college and that, I believe, was spelunking of the mind.

The thing with overthinkers is that we are thoughtful, inquisitive, and perceiving–we are sponges soaking up the world around us. But we can easily get lost, asking question after question like one step after another into a dark cave until we find ourselves trapped in the darkness. Our problem is we don’t know how to stop thinking, or when to turn our minds around. 

I learned this the hard way during my semester of philosophical studies. When I signed up as a naive twenty-two-year-old, I had no idea I was entering into an addictive world of questions where every morsel of thought could be challenged, analyzed, feasted upon, chewed up and spat out. I plummeted, lacking the ability–the discipline–to keep from slipping too far into a world of what-ifs and wonderings.

Those who tend to overthink like me value the art of thought and we can all agree that few in this world aspire to be under-thinkers. But if overthinking can get us into trouble and underthinking is simply unproductive, then there must be a discipline of thinking responsibly–just enough–not too much and not too little. This discipline comes from exploring the cave of thought with healthy questioning, open-mindedness, and perspective while knowing when to stop and how to give the mind over to faith.

The fact is, we can never understand the world perfectly. We can never read other people’s minds or tell the future no matter how much thought we put into it. So, there comes a time when we need to trust the world is as it should be; when we need to be at peace with not having all the answers; when we need to stop thinking. 

Here’s my advice to you: stop. Stop!

Just kidding. I know it’s not that easy. Maybe for some super-humans, it is, but for most overthinkers, such a blunt command is as intimidating as a laser target to your chest. Instead of simply stopping, start by recognizing the caves you tend to wander in. What or who causes you to think unhealthily too much? Mark the stone walls acknowledging where you are in your mind and ask yourself what is motivating you to walk further into darkness. More often than not, it’s some sort of anxiety, insecurity, or unrelenting appetite for an impossible answer.

After an observing period, explore what practices or mental reminders can help you stop or slow your mind. Maybe a distraction, relevant quote, or activity can be the thing to turn you around so you can be at peace with what you don’t know and productive with what you do.

There are many wonderful attributes of a contemplative, thoughtful person. But just like anything, thinking is best used in moderation. Learn how to embrace your mind without wholly trusting on it. Learn how to let go. Learn how to think responsibly because exploring the caves of your mind is an extraordinary adventure as long as you can find your way out.

Please share thoughts, questions, concerns…anything! Tweet me @DaddingDepressd or comment below!

Your Thought Collection

I’m a collector. Neatly arranged on a bookshelf in my living room is a hardcover book collection. On another shelf? My vinyl records. My favorite collection, however, is the one hardest to organize: my growing compilation of thoughts and ideas. I gather them by thinking, reading, writing, perusing quotes, and sifting through Twitter in search of fresh perspective.

The challenge of collecting anything is in creating the standard through which items can be accepted. Otherwise, we end up drowning in obsession, and like on the A&E TV show, Hoarders, we find ourselves confessing to a camera crew, “I don’t know how it got to be like this.” It takes careful intentionality to keep only that which is beneficial. I learned this lesson and the importance of establishing criteria through my all-inclusive love of books.

The Importance Of Establishing Criteria

The Japanese word, Tsundoku (n.) means “buying books and not reading them; letting books pile up unread on shelves or floors or nightstands.” It is a word that anchors a concept with which I’m all too familiar. I used to buy every book I had read, wanted to read, or simply wanted to own. I picked through the musty aisles of thrift stores, and scoured garage sales and 25 cent racks. The result was an eventual compilation of chaos, overflowing bookshelves, and boxes of worn out paperbacks. When A&E called, I figured I should scale back. Now, I have a cherished and intentional twelve book collection. The criteria is (a.) I’ve had to have read it, (b.) I’ve had to have loved it, and (c.) it must be hardcover. Because of the criteria, I am able to better enjoy the hobby and more fondly appreciate my collection. Sometimes, I even get caught looking at it as if it’s about to scatter. My wife laughing at me breaks the sacred silence.

As a collector of ideas, or as an over-thinker, the same method must be applied. We should be careful to not hoard thoughts that clutter our heads, and we should establish a criteria for which new ones make it onto the bookshelves of our minds, and which ones don’t. Having an open door policy for your thoughts is as dangerous as one for your home. It will benefit the over-thinker to develop standards so that the mind can stay clear and well-organized.

Reorganizing The Shelves In Your Mind

I’m very internal. I’ll collect and compile thought after thought, hoarding them in chaos, and it is these thoughts that weigh me down in depression and anxiety. I don’t have a very good forgettery. Something awkward, stressful, or inconvenient happens to me and I save it next to my collection of good memories and uplifting reminders. It’s like squeezing a sloppy Romance novel between my hardcover editions of East of Eden and Watership Down. Negative occurrences stick with me, doomsday predictions cloud my mind, and nasty self-talk bullies me into the ground. I have a hard time letting go of thoughts that don’t belong.

If you’re like me, what do you do? Start by sifting through your head and ditching excess thoughts and ideas. Then determine what you want your collection of thoughts to look like. You might want it to be more positive and uplifting, maybe confident and bold. Recognize the dirty Romance novels cluttering your shelf, and take action to getting rid of them.

Now, because you know what you want your collection to look like, establish a criteria. How will you determine what future thoughts are welcome into your head and which thoughts are not? Probably negative self-talk should not be welcome, and uplifting quotes should be.

You only have so much room in your head so value your collection of thoughts with care. Being more intentional will help you to better enjoy thinking while having a deeper appreciation of your collection. (Check out my post “How To Think Responsibly”).

How To Use Comparisons To Your Advantage

This is an article featured on HavingTime.com. Here is an excerpt: 

“The grass is always greener on the other side.” We have heard it weightlessly tossed around all our lives and yet, we continue falling for it.

[READ THE FULL ARTICLE AT HAVINGTIME.COM]

How To Think Responsibly

Ever been spelunking? Have you ventured into a dark cave, going deeper and deeper into an ambiguous abyss?

I have.

It’s not fun.

Ok, before you pull out my family photo album for proof of me in spelunking gear, you should know, I haven’t technically been. Honestly, I’m not sure I could face that fear. As a kid, I remember shaking out a panic attack when I got stuck behind the couch. I did, however, study philosophy for a semester in college and that, I believe, was spelunking of the mind.

The thing with overthinkers is that we are naturally very thoughtful, inquisitive, and perceiving. We are sponges soaking up the world around us. Often, though, we get lost in our heads, having asked question after question like one step after another into a dark cave until we find ourselves lost, trapped, in its depths. The issue is we don’t know when to stop thinking.

I learned this the hard way during my semester of philosophical studies. I had no idea that I was entering an addictive world of questions where everything could be challenged, analyzed, chewed up and spat out. It was as if I was born with feet that sweat baby oil but never realized it until I tried walking down a steep slip’n’slide. I promptly plummeted, lacking the ability–the discipline–to stop my mind from wandering too far in the world of what-ifs and wonderings.

Those who tend to overthink, like myself, value the art of thought, and few aspire to be under-thinkers. But if overthinking can get us into trouble and underthinking is simply unproductive, then there must be a discipline of thinking responsibly, not too much and not too little. This discipline comes from exploring thought with questions, open mindedness, and perspective while knowing when to stop and how to give the mind over to faith. Everybody puts their faith in something eventually.

The fact is, we can never understand the world perfectly. We can never read other people’s minds or tell the future no matter how much thought we put into it. There comes a time when we need to stop, and trust that the world is as it should be. There comes a time when we need to be at peace with not figuring it all out. There comes a time when we need to stop thinking.

So, here’s my advice to you: stop. Stop!

Just kidding, I know it’s not that easy. Maybe for some super-humans it is, but for most overthinkers, a blunt command is as intimidating as spotting a laser target on your chest. Instead of just stopping, start by trying to recognize the caves you tend to wander in. Mark the stone walls acknowledging where you are in your mind and what is motivating you to walk further into darkness. After an observing period, explore what practices or mental reminders can help you stop or slow down your mind. Maybe a healthy distraction, relevant quote, or productive action can be the thing to turn you around.

There are many wonderful attributes of a contemplative, thoughtful person. But just like anything, thinking is best used in moderation. Learn how to embrace your mind without wholly trusting on it. Learn how to let go. Learn how to think responsibly. Exploring the caves of your mind is an extraordinary adventure as long as you ensure you can always find your way out.

Please share thoughts, questions, concerns…anything! Tweet me @DaddingDepressd or comment below!