Children’s Book Review: The Knowing Book: A Book For The Journey Of Life

DISCLOSURE: Some of the links below are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through and make a purchase.

“Before you forget…look up.”

The Knowing Book by Rebecca Kai Dotlich and illustrated by Matthew Cordell is simply the best children’s book I’ve read so far. I could leave it at that, but, for your sake, I won’t.

Did I say children’s book? It is so much more–a brilliant work-of-art able to be esteemed by even the most listless adult. To limit it to the kid’s section seems to depreciate its universal value. Sure, the cute and almost Hobbit-themed illustrations (just replace Hobbits with rabbits) spur the imagination of the youngest dreamer, but the poetic prose is able to prod the heart of even the most callous scrooge.

It’s so good.

I have to admit: I was on the hunt. Fingering through the scores of children’s books at the Keane’s in downtown Mason, I had already ransacked the bookstore to no avail. Kid’s books seem to be faint echoes of one another after a while. Simple, tedious, and almost condescending.

I suppose that’s why I work to feature the best ones. I believe children can be invited to a life-long appreciation of literature through rich, thoughtful and engaging books. There’s a place for “Baby’s First Words,” but as kids get older, wouldn’t you rather show how words are the wonder by which we wonder? We can do this through children’s books that honor literary elements and excite both parents and young readers–not just anything with a cartoon on it.

I won’t go as far as to say I’ve found the pinnacle of children’s books in The Knowing Book but, man, I’ve hit pretty close. Not only does it teach the mindful practices of exploration, curiosity, and adventure, but it does so in a captivating manner with gems of sagacity for all.

“Step one step at a time, and don’t ignore a hum and don’t deny a cry. Both are useful and both are good and both will comfort you if you are lost.”
“Pretend you are someone and pretend you are no one. Pretend you are who you long to be, who you would never want to be, and who you can only imagine being. Know that you will be parts of all of these.”
“Don’t be too busy to slosh in a puddle or fly a kite, or too important to pick up the lost coin or the common shell.”

These are heartfelt reminders to the parent-reader and meaningful lessons for the child as they grow.

In terms of thoughtful children’s books, this is one of a kind. I guarantee you, The Knowing Book will not only remain on my kids’ top-shelf for years to come, it will be on mine as well. It truly is a book for the journey of life.

–You can buy it here on Amazon–

INFOGRAPHIC: What NOT To Say To Our Boys If We Want Healthy Men

We hear a lot about toxic masculinity these days. To be clear, there is a sure difference between masculinity and that which is toxic.

Masculinity (“possession of the qualities traditionally associated with men”) is a good thing as long as it embraces the freedom of self-expression and promotes positive qualities in men. It becomes toxic when the arrows passed down from society’s parents are dipped into the poison of impossible standards, unhealthy emotional practices, and misogynistic ideals. This negative influence happens every single day, and it’s mostly occurring right under our noses, oozing out of our ignorant mouths.

If we want to raise healthy men, we need to stop polluting our boys with these classic sayings.

“Man up!”

This archaic saying implies, first of all, that the boy is not a man (an ambiguous concept anyway). And, secondly, to be a man, he must suppress his feelings and emotions–an unhealthy practice for the mentally resilient.

If you’re saying this (or anything like it) to your son, consider reading my post, Are You Man Enough?.

“You’re too sensitive!”

Sensitivity is an amazing attribute, especially in boys. It should be embraced, encouraged, and nurtured, not denied. I get it–it’s hard–“he cries a lot,” but explore ways in which you can encourage his sensitivity while teaching him of the grand responsibility that it is.

Fred Rogers said, “I feel that if we…can only make it clear that feelings are mentionable and manageable, we will have done a great service for mental health.”

“That’s for girls!”

Whether it’s art, music, dance, gymnastics or playing with dolls, there’s no need to separate children into the harsh categories of blue and pink. Kids are kids. A pivotal part of childhood is exploration–figuring this world out–and, if we place too many boundaries around the curiosity of boys, we’ll create tentative men who don’t know their place in this world.

“Big boys don’t cry.”

Yes, they do. Crying is an appropriate release of emotions, and we should be teaching our sons it’s okay to let it all out. If the kid is crying at inappropriate times, there are other ways to go about teaching emotional responsibility. Saying “big boys don’t cry” is a lazy parenting move. Try teaching him the value of voluntarily stepping away from a difficult situation to rest, reflect, and reset. Or say something along the lines of “Are you sad? It’s okay to be sad. Can you tell me why?”

“You must win.”

This, in sports or anything else for that matter, weighs down our boys with impossible standards and communicates a “win-at-all-costs” mentality. It teaches that power is everything and that there is no benefit in trying if you’re going to fail anyway. Praise the effort and pick them up when they fall.

Read my post, Do You Have A Fixed Or A Growth Mindset?.

“You play like a girl!”

Is that really all that bad? Saying things like this teaches boys to undervalue and disrespect women while enforcing their own insecurity. It’s simply a worthless statement.

Don’t revert to lazy quips and archaic sayings. There is bravery in tears, strength in weakness, and victoriousness in failure. We are teaching our boys how to be men, and that is a great responsibility.

What else should we stop telling our boys?

Marriage, Kids, Money, Humor, Podcasting And Magazines: These Dads Do It All

~~Wow. That picture is random. Well, so is this post. Here are a few of my favorite random links I’ve found lately.~~ The following links are the websites, blogs, and podcasts by some of my newest friends. I had the privilege to hang out with each of the creators a few weeks ago at a Dads’ Conference. Please take a moment to check out what they’re doing. It’s good stuff.

Marriage, Kids, And Money

“It’s time to strengthen your family tree and live financially free.” Check out the blog and podcast.

The Dad Experience Podcast

A podcast by dads, for dads.

Kzoo Dad

Life is heavy. This blog is light.

David Stanley

This guy does it all.

STAND MAGAZINE

The best tagline: “The magazine for men who give a damn.”

Send me your favorite links at doug@daddingdepressed.com, and, if I dig it, I’ll feature it!

Happy Father’s Day, Daddios!

To all the dad’s, happy father’s day!

A Magazine For Men (That’s Not Porn), Mental Health And Basketball, And Things To Do With Your Toddler

Wow. That picture is random. Well, so is this post. Here are a few of my favorite random links I’ve found lately.

STAND Magazine

A magazine for men who give a damn. Check out the podcast too. Really fantastic stuff.

Everyone Is Going Through Something

Really good.

DeMar DeRozan on inspiring Kevin Love: ‘Made me feel pretty damn good’

Really, really good.

Indoor Activities For Toddlers

Something other than climbing precariously as to keep them busy.

Have A Problem With Porn?

There is a way out.

Share your favorite links with me, and if I dig em, I’ll post about it!

A Dog, A Toddler, And A Baby On The Way: Where’s The Time For Me?

If time were a pie, I feel like there’d be no slice left over for me.

After months of floundering in an extroverted world and now living with a one-year-old who moves more than Richard Simmons, a dog who swings on the backdoor bell like Quasimodo, and a wife who works full-time tirelessly while baking a baby in the oven, I snuck my piece of the pie at five in the morning.

I carved out time in the day. I reclaimed my morning routine. The house was silent, thick with expiring dark, and as peaceful as a still morning on the lake.

I had coffee.

I read.

I wrote.

I basked in a solid three hours to myself.

Peace.

Quiet.

Rejuvenation.

But then it was snatched away from me.

For whatever reason, my son keeps waking up early…too early. Like today, I had my alarm set for five A.M., and my heart set on quiet time, but after I’d perched on the porcelain throne and made my coffee, I heard the morning cries of my son at 5:18A.M., followed by the sound of my heart thudding to the floor in disappointment.

Instead of sipping my coffee in the gentle breeze of turning pages or in the soft glow of a blinking cursor on a white screen, I was glugging it on a Wild Kratts commercial break. And, just like that, I dished out my slice of the pie, and another day started.

Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the opportunity to share time with my family, but the fact is, I need alone time. (Why else do dads take such long poops?)

Whether you’re an introvert like me, an exhausted parent or just a busy person, time alone is essential for survival and important for mental health. As familial obligations evolve and house projects fill a growing list, recharging time gets benched from the priority list. We are left with the question, how does someone find a slice of time when loved ones and vital projects are eating it all up?

Keep trying, be patient, and learn to say no to unimportant tasks.

1. Keep Trying

I’m tempted to give up on my five a.m. mornings. The frustration that boils inside me seems to justify doing so. Why even try? is the question that nags. But, maybe tomorrow, my son will sleep until eight again, and I’ll have rich and fulfilling time alone.

Maybe not, but one bad day does not mean that I am stuck in a predestined pattern of failure.

2. Be Patient

“This too shall pass,” is a commonly quoted phrase that originated way back in the day. It is an adage that reflects the temporary nature of life, blessing the moments of struggle, and cursing the moments of peace. Whether I achieve time alone or not, I can find tranquility with such a mentality. The worst moments shall pass, but so will the best so let’s not rush through a difficult season.

3. Learn To Say No To Unimportant Tasks

My brother-in-law has a full-time job, eight home properties, and four kids. He is busier than me. Whether it is because he is forced to say no or he’s good at prioritizing, he has developed the ability to gracefully pass on peripheral opportunities. This allows him to focus on his family during family time, and embrace the little chance he might get for a personal moment.

We each only have so much pie; why dish it out needlessly? Save the best for the best, and savor the leftovers. This season of busyness shall pass, but so will the season when kids are early-rising cherubs.

Keep trying, be patient, and learn to say no. But most of all, learn to love feeding your family hefty slices of quality time.

Photo by Uroš Jovičić on Unsplash

Children’s Book Review: The Pout-Pout Fish

Even when my son, Isaiah, was only fifteen months old, if we asked him to grab The Pout-Pout Fish, he’d swim through the ocean of children’s books and pull it out by its tail. The picture book is now anchored in our home as a household favorite as it towers over the rest of our library like the Titanic.

With ample rhyme and reason, The New York Times Bestseller The Pout-Pout Fish by Deborah Diesen (illustrated by Dan Hanna) is certainly one to add to your child’s collection.

To be honest, I was hesitant to buy it. As a dad who writes about mental illness, I wasn’t convinced that a narrative about a fish “destined to be glum” would convey an appropriate message on how to handle emotion. In parenthood, there has to be some acknowledgment that a child’s feeling of sadness is acceptable. And often a short picture book about how Mr. Fish turns his frown upside down isn’t the answer to preexisting conditions like depression and anxiety.

Ultimately, however, I trusted the book reviews and I’m glad I did. The Pout-Pout Fish doesn’t teach the suppression of emotions as much as it encourages the redirection of energy and attitude. Throughout the book, Mr. Fish is so focused on his own misery that he is unable to fully recognize the gift he has in two swollen lips. He learns in the end that he is a kiss-kiss fish, taking his supposed weakness and using it as a strength in loving others. At the turning point in the book, it reads:

“‘My friends,’ says Mr. Fish,

‘I should have known it all along.

I thought that I was pouty,

But it turns out I was wrong.

I’m a kiss-kiss fish

With a kiss-kiss face.'”

Overall, I give The Pout-Pout Fish two fins up. Dan Hanna’s illustration, the use of literary elements, the narrative, and the moral all come together perfectly to make a staple book worth having in your child’s library.

Plus, if your kid is anything like mine, they’ll absolutely love it and you’ll even get a few extra smooches at the end of the book.

Buy It Here

Mr. Moms Or Good Dads?

The 1983 film, Mr. Mom made it a little more okay to be a stay-at-home dad for parents of the 80’s. Still, it’s remarkable how idiotic they managed to portray the diaper-duty-dad, Jack, played by Michael Keaton. At one point, the washer machine was going rogue, the stove was on fire, the baby was eating chili, and the vacuum (named Jaws) was trying to eat the middle child. The movie resounds with the stigmatization that men are inept in the home and that elements of the professional world do not transfer into the realm of child-rearing.

Such stigma propelled by blockbusters like Mr. Mom, Three Men & A Baby, and Junior creates an unfortunate barrier between men and home-life. Even in more recent representations of patriarchs like in Modern Family or Family Guy, the father figures are portrayed as basically incompetent, funny as they are. Consistently, men are depicted in media as idiots, especially in the father role. Though culturally we want engaged fathers, the surging notion that men don’t belong in the home suggests that a career is their only means of worth in this world. As such, working men cling to their jobs, and often look back on the years of child-raising as missed opportunities to establish relationships with those who matter most.

Men Can Be Stay-At-Homes Too…And Still Be Men

Mr. Mom did serve a cultural purpose in its time as it not only introduced a stay-at-home patriarch, but it represented a progressive voice for women. It showed that females are more than capable to achieve success in the business world, and that staying home, raising kids, and maintaining a house is not the easy way out of responsibility. The film does a superb job blurring such lines between gender roles in a manner that especially supports the females of society. However, just as women are more than capable of slaying a career, men are capable of maintaining a household, and the assumption that they are not is harmful to men’s mental health, as we see played out in Mr. Mom.

Jack clearly slipped into a state of depression. He had worn the same flannel for weeks, grew a gnarly beard, and chugged a beer for breakfast while watching a Soap Opera on a ten-inch. He became detached, apathetic, and irritable, clear signs of a depressive state. Indeed, there is a heavy amount of pressure placed on men to be the sole breadwinners of the family, and when that expectation is not met, the sense of “failure” leads a man deeper into darkness. A man believes that he should have a certain career and provide for his family in a specific way. He believes that he shouldn’t even entertain the idea of staying at home, lest his masculinity be threatened. Ultimately, however, manhood is determined not by what a man does but by what he is willing to do for his family (Check out my post, Are You Man Enough? for more on true masculinity). At times, the guy staying home simply makes the most sense.

What Is Best For The Family?

I have had an impressive amount of jobs throughout my eleven years of working. A certain career has never lured me into anchored success, and I wasn’t born with a specific dream in mind like a character in a Disney movie. I hopped from one payroll to another in search of a purpose, and the pressure I placed on myself to buckle down in a job worthy of my manhood became heavy on me. Working hard for family is noble, but I wasn’t doing it for them. I was killing myself, robbing my family of the fullest me, for the sake of society, an ambiguous community full of people I didn’t even know. I allowed outside pressures to dictate my inside life.

According to the Myers-Briggs test, people with the personality-type of my wife are the most likely to make the greatest amount of money throughout their career. Those with my personality? The least. Of course, we are not destined to fulfill such expectations based on our generalized personalities, but it is important to consider that we are each unique, male or female, and every one of us is on a different path of the same journey. It is vital that we take into account, not gender, but each individual and the needs of his/her respective family. For the sake of my mental health, the health of my family, and the life-stage we are in, it is best that I work from home to chip away at a freelance writing career while my wife brings home the bacon. I’m happy to cook it for her. I just hope I don’t burn down the house…

Supermoms v. Mr. Moms

The label Mr. Mom was adopted into culture after the 1983 film. Men sacrificing careers to serve their families as stay-at-homes took on a name that degraded their masculinity, fueled mental health issues, and disregarded efforts and ability. Mothers who stayed at home were called supermoms while dads at home were labeled Mr. Moms. Should we not commend such men who are willing to serve their families? Perhaps, if we did, we would see more involved fathers who are not afraid to engage for fear they’ll be pinned as an idiotic Mr. Mom. Or maybe men would be liberated from the societal pressures that contribute to mental illness. Our children and rising generations certainly don’t need more harmful stigmas; they just need more good dads – men who are willing to do what is best for their families, no matter the cost.

How To Use Comparisons To Your Advantage

This is an article featured on HavingTime.com. Here is an excerpt:

“The grass is always greener on the other side.” We have heard it weightlessly tossed around all our lives and yet, we continue falling for it.

[READ THE FULL ARTICLE AT HAVINGTIME.COM]

3 Tips For Teaching Kids A Love For Reading

Maya Angelou said, “Any book that helps a child to form a habit of reading, to make reading one of his deep and continuing needs, is good for him.”

I think I did a total of four different high school book reports on the same book that I had only half read once. The wonder of reading was something I discovered in college, turning up hidden gems on black and white pages. I fell into the imaginations of Tolkien, Crichton, C.S. Lewis, and more. I became a rabbit in Watership Down and a moon man in The Martian. Reading became for me an escape, a comfort, a sage, a nurturer of new thought and imagination. I fell in love with the wonder of words.

I hope to cultivate the same thrill for literature in my son. It would be awesome if we could share many conversations over our favorite books throughout the years. In the meantime, reading to him is key. Not just for their development either. Any activity that pulls a man out of himself, and places him into an others-focused situation is good for his mental health. Here are three practical ways to go about instilling a love for reading in your kids so they can wonder in the wonder of words sooner rather than later:

1. Read good books.

Just like anything, there are high quality books for kids and kind of dumb ones. Be selective and strategic in the books you read to your kid. A key to discerning what is good is easy: buy children’s books that are appealing to you. Not only will your kids share your enjoyment of such books but, as good books often do, they will build a bridge between you and your child. Look for books that you can be excited about so that kids can learn that reading can be something to look forward to. I’ve been surprised at the quality of some children’s books.

2. Read everyday.

Creating a habit out of reading is not a bad thing. Studies often show that time spent reading to your kids has great benefits for them later on in their lives, and routine is a healthy alternative to bedtime on the fly. Books teach, challenge, encourage, and develop. They can learn life-skills like responsibility, powering through tough times, and habit-building through the simple act of being read to consistently. They won’t just learn to read, they’ll learn life.

3. Engage/Have a conversation.

Good books are bridges, and we all know this world needs more bridges. In the same way that books written for adults are meant to engage and challenge communities to converse around important topics, children’s books should do the same. Teach your kid that reading is more than words on a page, it is about engaging the world around them, and seeking to grow through the page. Ask your child questions, make funny noises and voices, get them excited to read by connecting with them.

I’m an infant parent as much as my son is an infant. These are strategies that I hope to utilize in the raising of my children, not ones I have learned through parenting experience. But I know my journey of becoming a reader and I want my son to maintain healthy habits, appreciate creativity and fresh thought, and engage the world around him. I hope my son can learn from me to read through the page instead of just reading it. I want him to wonder in the wonder of words.

PS. Dr. Seuss is always a great place to start. A.A. Milne’s original Winnie The Pooh books are also fantastic.

PPS. Read some simplistic wisdom of children’s authors here.

Have a favorite? Tweet me @DaddingDepressd or comment below!